The End of Envy
More Thoughts on Purpose (02)
We won't be distracted by comparison
if we are captivated with purpose.— Bob Goff
Recently I saw that pastor Jon Tyson had launched his project called The Primal Path. It’s a program that helps dads take their sons on a profound initiatory journey to develop them into men who know their identity and are ready for what life throws at them.
I’ve had my eye on Jon’s work for a while and when I saw this project had been finally launched I didn’t waste a second. As I was looking through the website, I felt a whole cocktail of emotions: from fascination to excitement to intrigue to respect and then, to my surprise, jealousy.
For a brief moment I felt envious. Since I don’t often feel this way, and I know how destructive jealously can be, I took it seriously, and gave myself a moment to reflect.
What was I jealous of?
I was jealous of how fully formed it was. How meaningful and cool it was. I was jealous of all the passion and creativity and thought that was put in. I had this feeling that ‘he got there first’. I wanted to be the one who did this project. And maybe most of all I was jealous of what could be called his vocational certainty. His success at following through on his meaningful goals.
Once I realised what was happening, I took a second to remind myself: “this is not my calling”. As soon as I thought it, all of the jealousy and competitiveness began to melt away. I was no longer threatened by his success, and I could simply appreciate and be happy that this amazing thing existed.
For me, this moment was a powerful example of how important it is to brave this journey of finding and pursuing our vocation; not just because it gives us something meaningful to do, but because it acts as a defence against the soul-sapping, happiness thief that is envy.
This experience reminded me of a quote from the French philosopher Rene Girard, who says, “all desire is a desire for being”. We think we desire things in themselves, but really we long to have the way of being that we think they will provide. We don’t want the ice-cream, we want the cool, happy feeling of summer. We don’t want the Tesla, we want the feeling of accomplishment and pride, or the relief of conscience that we think it will give us.
But when you have your own unique path, you are not distracted by the passions of others. When you know that you are pursuing your vocation, there is no logic at all in being jealous, because so often we are jealous for a vocational way of being. We see the passion, the life, the commitment, the spirit of devotion in others and it stirs in us a desire for the same way of being.
This was just a helpful reminder to me.
If we’re wise, we won’t let our jealousy paralyse and defeat us, but direct us toward our deepest desire for a meaningful, purposeful life of our own.
Good luck and Godspeed.
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